Monday, March 11, 2013

Unfortunate nicknames

My older Brother is a retired professional basketball player. He played all over the world, and if you've ever had the pleasure of seeing him in action, you know he is blessed on top of blessed athletically.  Between seasons he would come home to spend much needed time with all of us.  He also hosted annual Pro Am (professionals and amateurs) basketball camps at Triton College. Eager and talented young hoop dreamers from all over the United States of America attended his camp. Unbeknownst to them, he invited many agents and coaches from all over the world to come sit in on his camp scouting for new talent. I am very proud of my big brother because he has literally made the dreams of many young men come true by sending them off to pay professional basketball overseas. In addition to being a skilled athlete, big brother is also 100% entrepreneur. He knows how to make a dollar, how to save a dollar, and he knew exactly which of his family and friends he could sweet talk into sitting in a hot gym for two weeks.  Watching super hot basketball men run up and down the gym all day somehow eased my pain.   Plus, it was a private camp/closed gym and I was the only female there - JACKPOT! When the men arrived they had to check in and register with me, pay any remaining camp fees, submit their basketball playing time highlights tapes/DVDs, and pick up their team assignment, number, and shirt. There were definitely men that stood out showing tremendous athletic ability, we knew for sure they would make it to camp playoffs. There were also men that stood our for other reasons. These reasons were less than brag-worthy. I recall one guy went to great lengths to warm up, he ran extra laps around the gym, did lots of push ups in the bleachers, and repeatedly slapped himself in the face. There was another guy that wore huge dark 'gas station' glasses, and would only take them off when he was on the court. Another guy looked exactly like the character 'Alice' from the old Popeye cartoons. Another guy looked like the little alien from the 80's camp movie "Meatballs" - we called him 'Meathead'.   My brother shares my sharp comedic wit, so we were able to pretty quickly assign many of the players hilarious nicknames. However, there was one guy that stood out, there was something different about him and we just couldn't figure out what it was. At the end of day one of camp, we went home and watched every single highlight tape and took notes. We don't watch the tapes in any particular order but when it was time to watch the tape Mr. Something-about-him-but-what-the-heck-is-it? submit, I don't know if it was because we were extremely tired or if it was just an epiphany, but we instantly looked at each other and knew exactly what it was. This guy was a tall guy, lean and muscular, typical for most basketball players. At the beginning of his highlights DVD there were multiple clips of him crossing over - this is when you quickly dribble the basketball in front of you, bouncing the ball from one hand to your other hand repeatedly making the letter V. It was at that moment we realized for a man of his height he had very short arms! Again, I'm not sure if it was fatigue settling in but we found this hysterical! We had to watch that part of his highlights over and over again. Laughing more and more each time. We laughed so hard and loud that everyone in the house came downstairs. Our family is full of comedians so I struggled not to pee my pants while watching two of my brothers act out various scenarios that a person with short arms would have a heightened bit of difficulty carrying out. For example, I watched them struggle to do push ups, spanking someone, making pancakes, eating a meal, and putting on socks. The cherry on the cake was watching them screaming in frustration exactly the way you would imagine a T-Rex would, during their demonstrations. For the record we are not complete jerks, and we never told 'Terry' and/or 'Short Arms McGee' his funny nicknames. However at random times during practice and games, you would typically find my brother and I giggling and/or giving each other nods and smiling if he crossed over, shot a free throw, or made layups.

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