Sunday, February 19, 2012
When I finish my lunch at work I usually clean the plastic container so it isn't as much of a chore that night when I do the dishes. One day I thought in addition to dish soap, it would be a good idea to use the boiling hot water from the coffee machine opposed to water from the sink. I added a nice squirt of dish soap and an ample amount of steaming hot water into the container. Put the lid on tightly and thought, if I give this a good shake it will really clean out the container nicely. I vigorously shook the container forgetting about simple laws of physics and the remote possibility of pressure building. I put the container on the counter and reached for paper tower then all of the sudden the lid loudly popped off the container spraying a large amount of bubbles all over me. I had bubbles all over the front of my shirt, bubbles on my shoulder, my cheek, and a tall tower of bubbles right on top of my head. As I stood there surprised and literally covered in bubbles our workplace big boss walked into the small kitchenette area. When he saw me he stopped in his tracks and his eyes grew huge. All I could do was nervously chuckle and say, 'Isn't today Take a Shower at Work day?' He began laughing harder than I had ever seen before and said, 'I don't think I got that email but I like your team spirit.' He made himself a cup of coffee and watched me try to wipe away all the bubbles laughing the entire time.
When we were kids there was a park located at the entrance to our subdivision. To access the park you had to walk over a wooden bridge. The fall from the bridge appeared to be pretty threatening however the bridge is actually only about one foot off the ground. The the location of the bridge leading to the park resulted in people constantly driving by entering or leaving the subdivision. We always gathered to play at the park. The boys enjoyed hanging out on the bridge waiting until a car was coming. They would pretend to fight, pick up one kid and throw him over the bridge right as the car was passing by. In horror and panic the drivers came to screeching halts. They would jump out of their cars and run over to check on the overthrown prankster. However by the time they made it to the bridge all the boys had already run away laughing hysterically. Leaving the concerned driver confused and ultimately enraged. The boys repeated this prank until an observant driver recognized one of them and drove to his mother's house to inform her of her sons behavior. She came to the park and put a stop to their fun pretty quickly.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I recently had to take a loved one to the emergency room. As we first walk into the ER we see two security guards wrestle a screaming and fighting man down to the floor and restrain him. While sitting in the waiting room we saw a man repeatedly pluck a single eyebrow hair, blow it from his finger tip, quickly reach out, catch it, and slap the single hair back onto his face. We also saw a man in a very brightly colored neon green shirt wearing dark sunglasses, playing an invisible drum set. I am not quite sure why but for some reason the cymbals were located behind him. So we watched him frantically playing the (again invisible) drums directly in front of him. We tried not to laugh when he turned around to strike those important cymbals. The best part about his show, is he was making the sounds with his mouth the whole time! Never again will I buy tickets to a show, from now on I will simply take a trip to the local emergency room.
One night my friend Bernie and I watched a scary movie, in this movie there were two girls home alone and some people broke into their house and the horror ensued. When the movie was over Bernie and I looked at each other and asked each other, 'Are you scared?' 'No' 'Are you scared?' 'No' It was pretty late and time for bed and there was no way either of us was willing to go upstairs alone. Once we got upstairs we began to devise an action plan just in case someone breaks into the house. Bernie said, 'I have a weapon under my bed!' I said, 'OK, I will time you - 1 2 3 GO!' Bernie ran into her room and dove under her bed, she began squirming around & throwing out all these shoes, laughing and saying "ooh I was looking for this!" She finally emerged, weapon in hand and a big smile of satisfaction on her face. Laughing I said, 'Umm, it has been six minutes, we are all dead.' Now it is my turn to stop the unwanted intruder and save us! Bernie now timing me said, '1 2 3 GO!' I ran into my room looked around, and I didn't see anything remotely close to a weapon. I find my Shake Weight and wonder if I can fight off someone without it repeatedly hitting me back at the same time. All the while I am running around my bedroom Bernie is shaking her head and almost doubled over in laughter. I look at my bed and see the abundance of pillows and decide all I can do is try to pillow fight them into submission. I'd say a self defense class is definitely in order.
I recently went out to dinner with my three handsome brothers. Most of the meals come with your choice of soup or salad. The server went around the table asking each of us for our orders. As usual my older brother was on the phone conducting business. When his turn came he politely gave his dinner selection. The patient server said, "Soup or Salad?" My brother replied, "Yeah, that's cool." Our now puzzled server repeated his previous statement, "Soup or Salad Sir" my brother (still on his phone said) "Yeah man, let me get that." At that moment the rest of us started laughing, my middle brother gets his elders attention and says, "Do you want SOUP or SALAD?" My older brother looks at the server and said, "Oh sorry man, a salad please with French dressing, thank you." The server smiles, nods and walked away. My younger brother said, "What did you think he said?" Our elder said, "I thought he asked me if I wanted a Super Salad" I said, "OK, I have to ask, only because we all know you are just crazy. Did you think it was a huge salad or did you expect him to bring out a salad bowl with a red cape on it? & If it did come with the cape, does the S on the cape stand for Suuuper Salaaad!?!" I will have a very good time occasionally reminding him of that moment for the rest of our lives.
The first sign that you have just entered Walmart in the 'hood' - instead of a mildly comatose senior citizen wearing a blue vest and a glazed over look on their face. You are greeted by a scruffy looking guy in his late thirties with a big tattoo on his neck, a blue vest hanging out of his back pocket, who has brilliantly replaced "Welcome to Walmart" with "Suup".