Rogue Roomba iRobot

I have recently come to realize getting a Roomba iRobot is similar to adoption.  Some people get good ones and some people end up with not so good ones.  Like most, I was thrilled and beaming with joy as I brought home my little bundle of joy.  Looking back, I don't know how long I was in denial.  I should have noticed the warning signs as they were immediately obvious.  One of the intentions of this awesome vacuum is to free up time so you can accomplish other things while the iRobot nicely cleans your home.  I admit the first time I used my Roomba I chased it all over my apartment marveling at how well it worked.  The next time I used it, after turning it on I went on about my business cooking and cleaning.  Still excited about the wonders of the awesome new addition to our family, I would occasionally stop and go check on the Roomba.  One of the times I discovered a trail of shredded tissue.  To this day I still have no idea where the iRobot found the tissue.  Immediately after I walk through the front door, I take off my shoes and neatly place them to the side and out of the way.  I noticed my shoes were separated from each other and appeared as if I haphazardly kicked them off.  Both the shoes, and tissue incidents reminded of the antics of a rambunctious little puppy.   I am not certain if it is paybacks for chasing it around the first time I used it, or if some sort of codependency built up in the vacuum, but this time the tables had turned and the Roomba chased me all over the apartment.  I had to move out of the way and jump over the vacuum so often, thoughts of filing a restraining order danced through my head.  The possibly sexually frustrated Roomba constantly gets stuck trying to drive itself up the base of the pole lamp.  More often than I'd like to admit I find myself rescuing my apparently sexy lamp from being assaulted by the endlessly humping iRobot.  I don't know if I will be able to recover from the embarrassment I will endure if I have to take a day off work to go downtown and register my vacuum as a sex offender in the state of Illinois.  Maybe my Roomba has some unresolved issues that requires medication?  Do you think the Health Care Reform requires insurance companies to cover small appliance mental health issues?  Due to drunken patterns, repeatedly vacuuming the same spots while completely ignoring others, and continuously getting itself stuck in the same places,  I now lock the liquor cabinet.  My Roomba has begun demonstrating self hating destructive behavior.  It is almost as if it were human, it would be a 'cutter'.  I feel so all alone, because there is no (800) number or outreach support group for this issue.  When using the iRobot I have to keep a watchful eye on it at all times.  Also, just as a safety precaution, I don't leave my purse out when Roomba is around.  Maybe it's me?  Maybe Roomba is just very misunderstood?  I just never thought I would have to take a Xanax every time I vacuumed.  Just kidding ~ I love my Roomba!  In all seriousness, I am only slightly afraid of it.