Slippery shenanigans

Two of my nephews and I went to visit one of my best friends Lani.  It was a very nice day so we three, Lani, her two sons, and exceedingly beautiful and young daughter all played happily in her backyard.  Lani's daughter stated she had to use the restroom and went into the house.  Lani and I quickly realized she was taking too long to return.  Lani and I went into the house to check on the young beauty.  We had no idea that her daughter found the spray can of Pledge wood cleaner and polish and proceeded to run all around the house holding the can straight up in the air while pressing the spray trigger.  Lani's house has all hard wood floors. Lani and I came in through the patio door, walked safely through the kitchen, and as soon as we each stepped foot into the hall we both immediately fell to the floor.  Surprised and puzzled we looked at each other, then came her little beauty running and giggling with the can.  As soon as she saw us she stopped, dropped the can, and ran back outside.  Lani and I laughed hysterically as we spent more time than I would like to admit slipping, sliding, and falling over and over again.  We finally made it back to our feet and thought this was the perfect time to call the kids inside for a snack and watch them all try to make it down the hallway to the bathroom to wash their hands. 

Camouflaged Caped Crusader

When I worked at Kohl's the store manager's wife occasionally came in to shop and their 3 year old son would spend time with his Daddy.  Every single time and right on schedule, his son would sneak away and hide from him.  The last thing our manager wanted was his wife to find out that once again he lost their son.  A good number of us wore walkie talkies with ear pieces.  As soon as our fearless leader realized, he would radio 'The boy is on the run again!' and our search would begin.  The orders were 'look, look quickly, try to be discreet, and do not tell the wife!'  The sly toddler was a major Batman fan, and at times would only answer when referred to as Batman.  I can think back to many many puzzled looks and giggles from our valued customers when they caught a glimpse of me hurrying around and looking into various clothes racks quietly calling out "Batman....Batman....Where are you?"   

The backed-up's back up

While using a public bathroom, I heard a woman moaning in discomfort saying 'Oooh lord help me, ooooh lord.'  A moment later someone else came in to use the facility, the moaning started up again, 'Ooooh help me, help me.' Our 'newest recruit' said, 'What? Are you talking to me?'  The uncomfortable pooper said, 'No just leave me alone. Help me, wooo!'  The recruit then said, 'Yes, don't worry, I can help you!'  I magically transformed into an Olympic speed pee'er, quickly washed my hands, and got the heck out of there!

Priceless Prayer

While visiting my parents, sister and nephews.  I was happy to see my sister made praying before bedtime part of their ritual.  The smallest of her three boys very recently began sleeping in his very own big boy bed - this is a very big deal!  My sister told him once he finishes brushing his teeth to go to bed and remember to say his prayers.  I thought this was very cute and wanted to watch first hand.  I stood in the hallway, out of his sight, and watched my little big boy kneel down beside his bed, put his tiny little hands together and say, 'Now I lay me down to slee.. (he stopped abruptly, looked up and said loudly) Hey God, its ME!' and started again right where he left off.  I began laughing, my nephew looked at me surprised and said, 'I had to get his attention.' He then climbed into his big boy bed and very sweetly said, 'Night Night.'

Welcome to the guard show

On my morning drive to work it is normal to see crossing guards standing at designated corners.  One day I saw a guard wearing headphones, dancing around excitedly, while holding the handle of her STOP sign up and the STOP portion of the sign down against her tummy frantically strumming it like an electric guitar.  It wasnt until she turned her back to traffic that she saw a group of children plus a few parents watching her and from the looks on their faces - enjoying the show as much as I.

Table manners

One of my best friends Paula used to work as a waitress at a restaurant/bar.  One day someone accidentally left a Link card behind at the bar.  It didn't happen often but on occasion a man on a date would be very rude to my Paula in an attempt to show off for and/or impress his unfortunate female companion.  One day a man was being particularly rude to Paula. His behavior seemed to disenchant his date, when it was time to for him to sign his credit card receipt, Paula walked up to the table, laid down the Link card and said, 'Sir I am so sorry but we don't accept this kind of payment.'  The discourteous diner's date was overcome with laughter, she smiled at Paula, and gave her a nod and wink of approval.   

Hiding in plain sight

My Mother typically puts her eye glasses on top of her head to briefly get them out of the way.  One day we went to the store, purchased a few items and left the store.  As we walked to the car my Mother said, 'Oh, wait a minute' then quickly turned to go back into the store.  I had no idea what she forget but knew it was best to followed her lead.  I followed her to the customer service desk, she asked the lady if anyone had very recently turned in a pair of glasses.  I looked at my Mother and saw her glasses on the tip of her nose and immediately started laughing.  The customer service lady looked confused for a moment then smiled at my Mother and reached up and tapped the tip of her own nose.  Mom realized instead of putting her glasses on top of her head, she slipped them down her nose.  She turned a little red, laughed, thanked the lady, and we left.  Once outside I started to really laugh at her, she pinched me and said, 'Oh hush', I reminded her that Alzheimer's runs in our family.

Runaway toilet paper

When going up the stairs in our home, you climb the first section of steps, come to a little landing turn right take a few steps, and go up about 4 more steps.  Once at the top of the stairs there is a bedroom to your left, take about 10 more steps turning to see a bathroom and another bedroom. I was home alone one day and thought, 'I am the only one here, so I can leave the bathroom door open.'  In my opinion the toilet paper was on the roll the wrong way - REMEMBER: You always pull the paper from the front and never from the back AND you always wipe from front to back and NEVER the opposite. - I clumsily removed the paper from the holder, it slipped out of my hand, down to the floor, and rolled out of the bathroom, down the hall and right down the stairs. I sat there baffled, all I could do was pull the runaway paper towards me, inch by inch, very gently, until I finally had enough to complete my, umm, 'mission' while washing my hands Josie came home and up the first set of steps onto the landing, she looked at the paper trail, then up at me and said, 'I don't even want to know what you were doing.'

All-Star tinkler

My 7 year old nephew was recently invited to tryouts for an All-Star Soccor team.  He was asked to complete a variety of drills and challenges.  During break the line for the restroom was quite long and he really had to 'go'.  My sister told him to go stand in front of her SUV (which was parked very close) and quickly yet discreetly relieve himself.  We watched him run over to the SUV (which I now refer to as her S U Pee) then quickly disappear.  I stood with my back to the vehicle, my sister in front of me while we talked waiting for his return.  I saw my sister's eyes grow wide then she said, 'Oh my goodness!' and she hurried in his direction.  I turned around to see a bright yellow stream flowing up and well above the hood of the car.  My sister was ready to die from embarrassment, I however was mildly impressed.  I later whispered to my sister 'You know, if peeing were a super power, he would be The Urinator.'