Praise & percussion

I have always been a believer of trying new things.  After a conversation with a long time family friend David, I decided to visit his church - Total Christian Life Ministry in Joliet, IL.  My Mother took us to church our entire lives, the only church service setting I know consists of attentive and silent worship.  Immediately upon walking into David's church I was very warmly greeted, welcomed in, and seated.  Quietly, I sat and watched as nicely dressed glorified souls entered with big smiles on their handsome and pretty faces. They happily greeted each other, took their seats, and the service began.  There was a small band that consisted of three instruments a keyboard, drums, and a clarinet.  The band began playing beautiful music and a large group of people quickly made their way to the font singing together.  At first I didn't know why they were hurrying to the front. I thought to myself, "Communion? This early?"  They all sang and sang, swaying, and clapping.  At a glance it was obvious their hearts were filled with a love that only God can give.  The singing continued and quickly became increasingly interactive.  I felt slightly uneasy, I didn't have any negative feelings what-so-ever, but it was hard to shake years and years of maintaining mandatory absolute silence during church service.  Today was different, we were encouraged to stand up, exclaim, sing along, clap and raise our hands.  Everyone was having so much fun I thought for sure the next instruction would be - sliiiide to the left.  When asked to stand, I thought to myself, 'No problem we stand all the time' the next instruction was clap your hands, I convinced myself that clapping wouldn't be so bad.  I clapped along with the music holding back my growing desire to start dancing.  After the clapping, came hands in the air, again that uneasy feeling came back, I decided I'd just keep clapping.  Once the singing was done, the deacon gave a wonderfully motivating lecture on new beginnings.  The Pastor began his sermon, he is truly blessed with the gift of insight, motivation, and knowledge of God's word.  I was very pleasantly surprised when he added a little comedy here and there.  Overall, I feel this experience was delightful.  David introduced me to a lot of friendly people, it was absolutely time well spent, the rest of the day and even now I feel happy, peaceful, and inspired.  I do plan to return, I might even bring my dancing shoes!

Snacker showdown

One sunny summer afternoon my three brothers and I were relaxing in the pool house listening to music while taking a break from the pool.  We enjoyed a variety of snacks and refreshing chilled beverages.  One of our snacks was a bag of 'Chicharron' also called 'Pork Rinds' in our house we always referred to them as 'Skins.'  We talked, laughed, drank, and munched passing the snacks around and around to each other.  My middle brother left the pool house to assist my Mother with the grill.  My oldest brother noticed the contents of one of the bags of dog treats looked very similar to the Skins, except the dog treats were larger in size.  We three looked at each other and smiled knowing exactly what we HAD to do.  My job was to keep my eye on our middle brother while the other two quickly opened the bad of dog treats, selected one and put it into the bag of Skins.  We hurried back to the sitting area of the pool house and waited.  A brief moment later our unsuspecting middle brother came back in and sat down.  At this point I had the bag and passed it to the oldest, he selected a Skin, ate it then passed the bag to our middle brother.  He looked into the bag and saw the larger than the rest 'Skin.'  His eyes grew wide with excitement as he reached into the bag and pulled out the jumbo sized treat.  My other two brothers remained cool, calm, and collected, while I of course have NO poker face what-so-ever sat squirming, looking directly at him, mouth open, and eyes wild.  I watched in amazement while he raised the treat up to his mouth, opened wide, inserted the treat, and right when he was ready to bite down - he stopped and looked at me.  I quickly looked away, he took the treat out of his mouth, looked at it for a second then directly at us and said, 'It's a dog treat isn't it?'  We all began laughing hysterically, my youngest brother slapped my leg (which really stung because I was still wet from swimming) and blamed me for the joke not going over as we'd hoped.  From that day forward we never missed an opportunity to remind our middle brother that technically he did have a dog treat in his mouth even if it was only for 2 seconds.  

First grade fright fest

Before he retired, my oldest brother was a professional basketball player.  He is exactly seven feet tall and weighs 280 pounds.  He played for numerous professional teams in the United States and all over the world.  My dear friend Josie is a first grade school teacher and asked my brother to come speak to her class.  My brother is very nice and loves children so as soon as his schedule allowed he flew back to Illinois to oblige.  When Josie told the Principal at her school that she had a professional athlete of such stature coming in, the meet and greet quickly went from Josie's classroom to about 4 classrooms.  When my brother and I arrived at the school the children were already assembled in the gym.  We stood out in the hallway while the teachers organized the students.  A few minutes before it was time for my brother to come into the gym I quietly stepped in and took a seat off to the side.  The students were finally all seated and quiet, Josie gave a wonderful introduction about who the special guest was and a few of his accomplishments, basketball music played in the gym as Josie called out his name and the children all began cheering and clapping.  My brother came running into the gym with lots of energy and a big smile on his face.  The children  took one look at him and majority of them began screaming and crying in fear.  Josie and the other teachers jumped into action to calm the children and my brother quickly left the gym.  I just as quickly went to the hallway to find him standing there upset because he scared the kids.  I consoled him the best I could ~ while trying not to laugh.  Josie came out to the hallway, told him the kids are all OK and asked him to please come back out, of course he agreed.  Josie reached out and took my brothers huge hand into her little dainty hand and lead him back into the gym.  The children sat there silently, some still looking wild eyed.  My brother spoke as softly as his very deep voice allowed, the more he talked the more you could see the kids relax and begin smiling and enjoying him.  By the time he was done talking and demonstrating his basketball tricks the children absolutely loved him (which was no surprise because everyone loves him!)  The meet and greet ended with my brother standing under one of the basketball hoops, the children all lining up single file, and one by one he picked up each child and let them 'Dunk' the basketball into the hoop, each and every child giggled and squealed in delight.  He was even nice enough to let them all go twice.   It was the cutest thing I had seen in a long time.

City people shouldn't go fishing

I was born and raised in one of the greatest cities in the world, My Sweet Home Chicago.  Every once in a while my family would get together and go on 'nature' trips.  I remember one trip we all went fishing.  My parents, younger sister, my God-parents and God-brothers all got together, and it was not long before chaos began.  We packed a big styrofoam cooler, as we walked from the car into the wooded area it broke into three pieces.  YAY NATURE!  I remember during the car ride from the city, my Mom was going on and on about how much fun fishing is.  By the time we arrived at the lake I was excited and ready to fish.  Somehow, the part about having to actually touch a worm didn't stick with me.  I absolutely refused to put the worm on the hook, as usual my Dad came to my rescue and did it for me.  After he put the disgusting worm on the hook, he reached out to hand me the baited fishing pole, the thought of holding a pole with a worm on it was too gross too me.  A few minutes later my God-father tried to cast into the lake, but his hook accidentally got caught in my shirt.  YAY NATURE! It didn't take very long before my sister and I realized we had to potty.  We were handed a roll of toilet paper and instructed to go into the woods and out of sight. 

It was at that moment we learned 3 life lessons (the hard way)
1.  If you ever have to pee in the woods it gets scary the moment you step past the fourth tree.
2.  If you begin peeing and are facing the wrong way on an incline you will know it very quickly, and you probably wont want to wear those shoes ever again. 
3. If boys are anywhere in the area they are 100% guaranteed to attempt to scare you.

We eventually made our way back to the adults.  I saw my Dad and God-father out in the middle of the lake in a medium sized row boat.  Somehow, and not really to anyone's surprise, my Dad ended up falling into the lake.  We all erupted with laughter, my Dad is seriously the funniest person I have and will ever know!  As usual he was a very good sport and laughed right along with the rest of us.  My God-brothers found a turtle, we begged and begged our parents to allow us to keep the turtle.  My God-parents said, 'No', but luckily my parents said, 'Yes'   YAY NATURE!   My sister and I happily named our new pet turtle 'Rocky' (hey, we were 80's kids and Rocky was a very popular movie ~ Adriaaan!) it wasn't until after we got Rocky home, we realized he was a Snapping Turtle.  We didn't have Rocky very long.  Moral of the story ~ City people shouldn't go fishing.

Parrot personifies the King of Pop

I listen to Pandora Radio on a daily basis.  I usually listen to the same few stations, toggling between Alicia Keys, Pitbull, Ludacris, Prince, and Missy Elliott.  By far, my favorite station is the Michael Jackson station, I listen to it about 60% percent of the time while singing and dancing.  Recently, while visiting my parents, I was cleaning the kitchen and as usual had Pandora locked on my beloved Michael Jackson station.  To my delight 'Thriller' was playing, I spent more time poorly imitating the dance moves than actually cleaning the kitchen.   We all know at the conclusion of 'Thriller' Vincent Price laughs.  Immediately upon hearing the laughter my Mother's parrot Rico began loudly mimicking the sound.  At first it was funny but, he would not stop!  My Mother and nephews came into the family room to investigate.  We tried to distract him by talking to him, whistling the 'Andy Griffith Theme Song' (he loves that) ~ we also played the Chicago Bulls Theme song (a major family favorite).  Rico laughed exactly like Vincent Price for about 6 minutes.  The next day I was listening to the Michal Jackson station again, the moment 'Thriller' began playing Rico immediately began laughing again.  My Mother looked at me, I looked back at her and said, 'What can I say, our feathered friends know just as well as we do that Michael Jackson is the King!'

Corporate chair dance

I used to work as a manager in an office where surprise visits by our corporate office were not unusual.  My desk was positioned in a way that my back faced the front door.  When I focus on my paperwork I become less and less aware of my surroundings.  One day I had more paperwork than usual, so I put in my ear buds and set my Pandora Radio to a nice upbeat station.  To my delight, Single Ladies by Beyonce began playing.  Completely oblivious to my surroundings, I began mimicking dance moves.  My co-manager Cassy saw one of our corporate managers walk in and sent me a 'Warning' instant message.  I was too preoccupied with my concert to take 2 seconds to click on the bright blinking icon.  By the time the corporate manager made his way to my desk I was engaged in full song and dance.  At this point I was bopping to the beat, singing out loud, actually reaching around behind myself and smacking my backside.  I just happened to look up and see the corporate manager standing there looking down at me with a big smile on his face.  I immediately stopped, frozen with embarrassment.  I could feel my face heating up as a fresh new supply of blood rushed into it.  My coworkers where almost doubled over laughing hysterically.  Thankfully, the corporate manager had a good sense of humor and said, 'Do you take requests?'  Still very embarrassed, I nervously laughed, picked up my planner, and followed him and our other managers (who all had huge smiles on their faces) into the conference room for a meeting.  Needless to say that was the last concert I had for a while. 

Chinese fire drill gone bad

When my sister and I became teenagers we learned about something called the Chinese Fire Drill.  Basically this drill is a nonsensical adolescent spoof that takes place in a vehicle.  To properly execute this drill: while driving down the street, when you stop at a stop light the occupants of the vehicle are supposed to quickly (and as safely as possible) exit the vehicle run around the car one time, and just as quickly get back in.  This all must be done before the red street light changes back to green.  One day while riding in the family car, my sister and I were telling our Daddy about this silly drill.  Our fun loving father pretended to have no idea about the drill, no matter how detailed and repeatedly we tried to explain it to him.  We found ourselves on a street that had very little traffic.  Our Daddy suggested we demonstrate the drill for him.  We, being young and naive were eager to act out this fun new procedure for the first time ever.  We pulled up to a stop light, my sister and I hurriedly opened our car doors, jumped out of the car, slammed the doors shut, ran around the car one time, laughing and overcome with joy.  We were so caught up in our teenybopper tomfoolery we didn't notice that as soon as we slammed shut our car doors, with the single press of a button our clever Daddy locked all the doors.  After our lap around the car, we pulled on the door handles, our joyful laughter immediately turned into panic.  We saw other drivers laughing hysterically as we repeatedly pulled on the handles and begged our Daddy to unlock the doors.  He laughed and pretended not to understand what we were saying.  After a few seconds (that felt more like hours) he unlocked the doors, embarrassed, we returned to our seats.  The other drivers honked and praised my Daddy as they drove away.  As you may have guessed this is the one and only time my sister and I attempted this drill.  We may have been young and naive but we did learn lessons pretty quickly. 

Deceitful domestic detergent

I visited my friend Luciana who recently moved back in with her Mother.  Luciana's Mother has dementia and is no longer able to live alone.  The three of us had a good time talking and laughing.  Luciana's mother got up and went to the kitchen, we continued talking.  A moment later we noticed the very strong fragrance of cleaning solution.  We went to the kitchen to see what her Mother was cleaning that required so much solution.  Once we entered the kitchen the smell was almost overwhelming.  Luciana quickly opened a window and said, 'Mom, what are you doing?'  Her cute little Mother was standing in front of the sink wearing rubber gloves, the sink was full some sort of cleaning solution that oddly did not produce any bubbles.  Her Mother replied, 'Oh, I just thought I'd wash the dishes dear.'   Puzzled Luciana and I looked at each other, I said, 'What kind of dish soap are you using?' She reached into the cabinet under the sink and pulled out a nearly empty bottle of Spic 'n Span.  (Spic 'n Span is a cleaning solution used to clean kitchen floors NOT dishes)  Luciana said, 'Mom, this is not for dishes! We have to empty that water.'  Luciana's Mother said, 'We are not! I am going to wash these dishes!'  Luciana said, 'No Mom, this will make us sick, it is not for dishes, it is intended to clean the floor.'  Luciana's frustrated Mother picked up the bottle, pointed to the words on the bottle and said, 'Look here, it says FOR THE KITCHEN - dishes are in the kitchen!  I'm old but I can still read, child of mine.  I know I'm not crazy, you kids are always making me think I'm crazy!'  I laughed and said, 'Well, she does kind of have a point.'  Luciana giggled and said, 'You're not helping.'  I watched as Luciana calmly and gently moved her Mother away from the sink distracting her with a new topic of conversation.  Once they left the kitchen I drained the water from the sink, replacing it with new soapy water using actual dish washing soap.  Smiling as I caught another look at the Spic 'n Span bottle while I washed the dishes. 

A tornado, a house fire, and no pants

Last night there was a severe thunderstorm that turned into a tornado.  My awesome Chicago WGN (World's Greatest News) weather app alerted us of the danger before it arrived.  My best friend Lani, her Mother Thia, and I prepared, and moved the three children to the safest place in the house.  The tornado winds exceeded 60mph, we could easily hear the damage as it occurred.  It was scary, we talked to & entertained the children to keep them occupied and calm.  After it was over Thia, Lani, and I took turns going outside. The damage was tremendous, the streets were flooded and covered with fallen branches and entire trees.  When the trees fell they tore down the power lines in the yards and streets.  The still live power lines were jumping and sparking dangerously.  The power was out so we put a single lit candle in a few rooms.  Lani's son had to use the bathroom while the rest of us sat in the family room.  Lani walked around in and outside the house.  Her young son calmly called out to her, "Mom" but she didn't hear him and the rest of us didn't react.  He called her again, "Mom" Lani's beautiful daughter said, "I'll go get her" she left then came back, went into the bathroom to tell her patient brother Lani was coming.  She quickly came out of the bathroom and said, "The bathroom is on fire." Thia and I quickly jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  I made it to the bathroom first and saw the candle in the bathroom ignited a towel, hair accessories, and flames were moving up the medicine cabinet.  Lani's little boy sat on the toilet looking wild eyed.  I quickly pulled him up and pushed him into the arms of Thia.  The flames grew bigger and bigger faster and faster.  I will admit, I was scared.  My Mother's Grandfather was the first African American Deputy Fire Chief and her Father was also a Fireman.  Generations of instinct took over, I quickly grabbed one of the large towels dampened it and used it to safely put out the fire.  Thia and the children stood a safe distance away watching and shining a flashight so I could see.  Just then Lani walked in to find her house full of smoke, me holding a wet and newly blackened towel, Thia holding the culprit candle, and her young son standing there with his pants down.  I handed her the towel and said, "I don't like playing tornado."